Mistakes

What made me laugh today...

We have been teaching the boys to ask politely for things. The demand "I want some juice!" will get the response "That's interesting!" since it is really just information, not a request. They then rephrase their question.

Today at supper Evan said "May I have some ketchup please?" While he asked correctly, I looked at his plate and pointed out that he still had lots of ketchup there. He burst into tears and wailed "But I said Please!"

I gave him some more ketchup.

Using 10% of your Brain

Have you heard that we only use 10% of our brain? Lots of people like to think that the remaining 90% is where our "psychic abilities" dwell. Well, it's not true. The Two Percent Company has an interesting article debunking the 10% myth. Check it out.

My favorite line:

"a sheep's brain is approximately 10% the mass of a human brain; if we only used 10% of our brains, we wouldn't be much smarter than a sheep."

Of course the sheep could be only using 10% of their brains, but that would mean sheep are psychic too.

What made me laugh today...

Home-made Rollercoaster

This guy and his friends built their own indoor rollercoaster. I don't think I'd have the courage to ride on this thing. Note the piece of string holding the guy's feet in place. They certainly spared no expense!

















What made me laugh today...

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

Weight before cooking

I am getting tired of paying for stuff I don't get. The patties on a McDonald Quarter Pounder weigh less than four ounces. Lumber is sold by its size before being planed, so a 2x4 is actually 1¾x3¾. My 17" computer monitor measures 16" diagonally. Norton Antivirus pesters you to renew your yearly license after only eleven months. Why should I pay for less than what was advertised?

I think I should have the option of getting what I'm paying for. So when I buy some lumber I want the bucket of shavings to come with it (Nice fire starter material). I'd use the little dixie cup of Quarter Pounder fat to fuel oil lamps or something. And I'd turn off the NAV nag until the last minute. And then delete it.

Maybe I should just say to these vendors "Well, you want $100 out of my gross paycheque, but since there are deductions I'm only going to give you $70."

What made me laugh today...

Go here to see a redneck's answer to a gas barbeque.

Faces

As soon as our eyes open as infants, our brains are busy identifying faces, especially our mother's. We learn to recognize faces from any angle. Is your brain still trying to make sense of this face? Keep trying!





What made me laugh today...

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Avast, me hearties! I can't believe it but very few lubbers are knowin' that today be Talk Like A Pirate Day. Go t' here t' translate your normal speech into pirate talk. Go here to read about the history of this auspicious holiday. Shiver me timbers, it be a good read.






What made me laugh today...

Used Tombstones

What made me laugh today...



I have three questions:

1 - What are the chances that this thing will sell?
2 - Why does the former owner not need it any more?
3 - Why does the seller have a toll-free number?

Somebody should tell this guy that the "used tombstone business" he just bought is really the local cemetary, and that he should stop his "clearing-out sale".

Quoting scripture

Midnightscribe's joke reminded me of something that happened when I was still living with my parents. For a season I was unemployed and would watch television late into the night. Of course, then I slept in late as well. This irritated my dad to no end. Finally he left a note on my door containing the following verse from Jonah 1 verse 6:

"What meanest thou, O sleeper? Arise, call upon thy God."

I never said anything to him, but the following morning he saw the note still on my door, with my response from Psalm 127 verse 2:

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat; for the Lord grants sleep to those he loves."

Quoting literature is a sign of a someone who is not only well-read, but has retained what they have read. Jesus quoted from the Old Testament all the time, and it used to be quite common to quote Shakespeare and other authors. I think it's a lost art, and that's sad.

What made me laugh today...

Talk about exclusive!

Eye Trick 2

Although the figure in the picture is not moving, your brain is being fooled into thinking that he is. And it's very tough to convince your brain otherwise.







What made me laugh today...

So are the elephants supposed to read this sign? And know how to count? And have recently weighed themselves?

Eye Trick 1

Stare at the plus sign in the centre of the picture. Do you see a green ball going around the circle? Well that's odd, because there is no green ball.




What made me laugh today...

It was the end of dinner and Lynne asked me if I wanted any more dessert.

"No thanks", I said ,setting her up. "I'd be fat and ugly."

"Don't be silly", she said smiling sweetly, "You're not fat!"

Touché.

Eye Contact

I attended the first day of a two day seminar on "Leadership and Communication" at work. In order to get us comfortable communicating the facilitator had us do a couple of exercises. The first exercise was to keep eye contact with the person sitting next to you for thirty seconds. The second exercise involved getting up in front of everyone (sixteen people) and spending thirty seconds meeting the eyes of everyone in the room.

I had no problem doing this, but several of the ladies near me became very uncomfortable. During the first exercise the eyes of my partner (who works in my office) kept darting away from mine. The two other women at our table who were partnered together expressed similar feelings, saying that it seemed "rude". I have no idea if this is a gender thing, or a matter of self-esteem. I do know that after the first exercise the second exercise was much easier.

What are your feelings on this? I'd be interested in knowing. If you were told to stare for thirty seconds at someone you casually know, would you be able to do it?

What made me laugh today...

What was this guy thinking? Apparently, if you're going to join the Scottish army you have to learn to sit like a lady.



(Quit squinting, ladies!)

Why am I blogging?

As I look over my first few posts I realize I don't have much to say. My life is really quite mundane. It consists mostly of work, fixing up the house and spending time with my family, none of which is particularly blog-worthy. So why am I doing this?

My reason for starting this blog was an exercise at reviewing my day and looking for moments of laughter. Quite often at the end of the day, in the hour and a half between the kids' bedtime and my own, I look back and wonder if it was worthwhile or wasted. Often you only see the negative things - insufficient funds, things around the house that need to be fixed, relationship stresses. If all you see are the negatives you will find yourself edging toward depression. It is inconsistent with the joy of the Lord I should be feeling.

I've decided to look back at my day and remember when I laughed. When I began to do this, I was surprised to discover I laugh several times a day. They're not all memorable; often it's during a conversation at work, or watching a comedian on TV. Sometimes it's something cute the boys say or do. But I do laugh, and remembering those moments puts the day into balance. Yes, I worked too hard or something went wrong, but I also had some lighter moments.

Many of these fun times are "had to be there" moments. You wouldn't get it. It's like when someone tells a story of how their toddler mispronounced a word. Yeah, thanks for sharing. It's cute only to the parents.

My blog is a record of my laughter, an exercise in finding the joy of the Lord. If I can't remember something during the day that is blog-worthy, I'll go find something on the 'net. It doesn't take long if you know where to look. And that last laugh before I turn in for the night is the best one of all.

What made me laugh today...



I'm thinking he overshot his target somewhat...

Bad news...

What made me laugh today...

Christmas gifts

That's it. I'm done shopping. Anyone who is on my Christmas list is getting one of these. It even has a setting for MP3's!





What made me laugh today...

Thousand-hand Bodhisattva

This is the most amazing performance I have ever seen. As you watch it, remember that all the performers in this remarkable choreography are deaf! It's six minutes long, though.

What made me laugh today...

(used with Lynne's permission)

After finishing her own dessert at suppertime Lynne finished up the remains of the boys' desserts and commented:

"Now I'll be fat and ugly."

I replied, "Don't be silly. You're not ugly!"

Always wear underwear

The day after receiving the "Semper ubi sub ubi" email I was walking in the hall at work and passed the Master Warrant Officer (MWO) who had forwarded it to me. Remembering the email, I blurted out "Always wear underwear?"

From the MWO's reaction it was clear that in twenty-odd years in the military no one had ever started a conversation like that with her. She turned slowly and narrowly regarded me. "I beg your pardon?" she quietly asked. Kinda like the sound of a knife being drawn from its sheath.

I quickly reminded her of the email, and asked if she had noticed the Latin phrase at the bottom.

"Yes", she said, "But I didn't know what it meant". But I could see it dawning on her.

"It said 'Always wear underwear', and you forwarded it to everyone in the office."

"Well, that's inappropriate" she said, and she strode off.

The MWO told me later that she had confronted the person who originated the email. Apparently it was a running gag. Even the Padre used it. She warned him that she now had a person who could read Latin working with her.

Well, at least I can google Latin.

What made me laugh today...

Ok, actually this made Hudson and Evan laugh today. Jogchem has sort of a quirky site, but the bears are fun. It certainly helped Evan learn to move the mouse around.

Matthew 7:26-27

What the Bible mentions:

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

What the Bible doesn't mention:

Like 128000 out of the 213000 people who built on the sand, the foolish man didn't have flood insurance. He ignored the weather forecasts calling for rain, floods and wind and didn't evacuate. He ignored Red Cross warnings that 25k to 100k people might die. He waited until the water got so high he couldn't leave, then shot at rescuers when they came to help.

The wise man had to donate money and supplies, send government equipment to rescue the foolish man, stop him from looting his neighbors and finally offer him a room in the "house on the rock" until the flattened house could be built again, either by the wise man's government or by proceeds from the flood insurance (which incidentally was only offered by FEMA which is also the government) .

He was then criticized by the foolish man for not reacting fast enough.

I'm not saying wise people shouldn't show mercy to fools; there are many facets of this disaster that could not be avoided. I'm just saying that I don't shed any tears over the consequences that fools bring upon themselves.

What made me laugh today...

The web site datetosave encourages Christian girls to date non-Christians and get them saved. The FAQs are worth reading. Here's a sample:

Q:What happens if the person I am dating becomes a Christian?

A: Praise God!!! That hasn't happened to me yet (still just planting seeds!), but you have two choices: Dump him and start dating a better-looking nonbeliever... or keep dating the person you're with now. I'd just see how hot he (or she) is and base the decision on that.

Face Transformation

I've been refinishing the hardwood floor in our living room. A lot of work, and I took today off to rest up. I found this web site. Go here to transform an image you provide into a younger, older or different ethic version. If this is accurate, some of my friends aren't gonna age gracefully.

Here's me as an East-Asian...




What made me laugh today...

Go here and type in what you think is attractive. If you just wait around, she tries to goad you into typing something.

Well-tanned

Take a look at this picture and tell me what you think is the worst part about how this woman looks. The kid's expression pretty much sums it up, though.

Well-tanned

Reminds me, I need to get my leather coat cleaned.

What made me laugh today...

Pamela Lee Anderson is having a hard time getting dates. Apparently nobody's asking. What qualities she said a guy would need:
- Likes kids
- Likes ex-husbands
- Likes implants

What qualities she never mentioned a guy would need:
- Likes constant media attention
- Likes loose morals, no class and trashy lifestyle
- Likes Hepatitis C

Gospel Mime

I don't know. Judge for yourself, but I find this obnoxious after only two minutes. I can't imagine a whole evening watching these guys mime gospel songs (KKMime.com).

What made me laugh today...

Being new in the Air Force I am eager to learn about the units with whom I deal. Some units have Latin slogans that translate to "always prepared" or something noble like that. So when I got an email forwarded to me with the phrase "Semper Ubi Sub Ubi" at the bottom I went to translate it and see the philosophy of the Major who originated the email.

semper = always
ubi = where
sub = under

So the slogan for this unit was (phonetically in English) "Always wear underwear".

Secret Glasses

What made me laugh today...

While roughhousing with Hudson my soft contact became dislodged. After a couple blinks it ended up on my cheek just under my eye. Hudson stared at it in astonishment. As I went to the bathroom to reinsert it, Hudson followed moaning:

Oh, no!
Oh, NO!
Oh, no!

He calmed down after I let him see the contact lens before I put it back in, and moved it around on the cornea to show where it was. I told him they were like glasses, but they were "secret glasses".

After all, it is important for a four year old boy to know that he hasn't just knocked out daddy's eye.